God works in a very mysterious manner which I can never understand. Most importantly, I don't spend too much time trying to understand but trying to take His lead.
He has plans for me but I just do not know what. He had made me attend the recent Miracle Service and He spoke to me there. I know that healing of the wounded heart will come and forgiveness will eventually set in.
Now, I just need to pray that He will make every other things easier so that I do not end up being so burdened.
I realised that I am being blamed for quite a lot of things eventhough I am not the one at fault. I realised that when things go wrong, I also am the one to stand up and try and make it right again. Now, I am tired.
I am weary and my mind is empty. I tried as I may to not think about what happened and everytime those thoughts come back, I will push it all away and pray that God will help me look forward.
Today, I failed. I blew up and I cried and I screamed and I shouted and I threw a terrible tantrum. Why is it always me to pick up the pieces for everyone when the one hurting most is myself? Why do I have to keep smiling eventhough my life has been turned upside down? Why do I have to be strong when I really need to cry and to scream? Why do I have to be the mother of everyone and pick up after each and everyone when I need to really rest and heal?
Sorry.... I just made this a lousy post with a lousy mood. I just needed to get it out of the system and if you are reading this, I do really need a little cheering up.