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Monday, March 31, 2008

More cheering is needed

God works in a very mysterious manner which I can never understand. Most importantly, I don't spend too much time trying to understand but trying to take His lead.

He has plans for me but I just do not know what. He had made me attend the recent Miracle Service and He spoke to me there. I know that healing of the wounded heart will come and forgiveness will eventually set in.

Now, I just need to pray that He will make every other things easier so that I do not end up being so burdened.

I realised that I am being blamed for quite a lot of things eventhough I am not the one at fault. I realised that when things go wrong, I also am the one to stand up and try and make it right again. Now, I am tired.

I am weary and my mind is empty. I tried as I may to not think about what happened and everytime those thoughts come back, I will push it all away and pray that God will help me look forward.

Today, I failed. I blew up and I cried and I screamed and I shouted and I threw a terrible tantrum. Why is it always me to pick up the pieces for everyone when the one hurting most is myself? Why do I have to keep smiling eventhough my life has been turned upside down? Why do I have to be strong when I really need to cry and to scream? Why do I have to be the mother of everyone and pick up after each and everyone when I need to really rest and heal?


Why?

Sorry.... I just made this a lousy post with a lousy mood. I just needed to get it out of the system and if you are reading this, I do really need a little cheering up.

3 comments:

Aka Pamela S. said...

hugs

Anonymous said...

Different ppl see things differently. What you see may not be what others see.

So no point continue to feel miserable and make yourself go into depression like every1 is against you.

Do whatever you can to bring you joy and satisfaction.

Time will heal if u open your hear to let healing comes.

SuperPig

Jarrett Lim G.W said...

I think u stress yourself too much? put too much burden/responsibilities on yourself. Share it with someone. Tell them how you feel. Clear up the problem with someone is better than bottle it up alone.
Or take time off to be alone for an hr or 2 to cool down?
or else even those love ones around you will be affected too. I bet you won't want that to happen.