This photo was taken in the morning sending the princessses to the school.

It was a morning with heavy heart and uncertainties in the road ahead for year 2010.

However, somehow I had an unknown peace as I told myself that I will go where the Lord leads me.

Time for a clean up

I have ashamed of myself by this post.
I have always known myself to be a lousy housekeeper, although I tried my very best but I guess my best is yet to be.
I had to take a photo of the evidence of my inability to remind myself to clean up.
The dust at a certain area is so thick that we could write our promises to each other.

Cleaning up does not only refer to the physically cleaning of the house, it also refers to the cleaning of my soul spiritually.

I will be mediating this verse:

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Philippians 4:13

With that, I will be able to be a better housekeeper who will be able to keep my house clean for all its members.

And He said...

To followup on the previous post, I am better in my mental state.
Although things are still as challenging as before and I am still struggling but after last Sunday's Church service, I was better.
Last week's message was about faith and odedience. Somehow, the message got to me and I understood what I need to do now.

As I sat in the santuary and lesson to the message, I kept hearing this particular little voice that told me that I need to do a certain project. As most of you know, I am given the talent to teach, to sew, to create... and I was specifically told to start on embroidering God's promises.

So once, I clear the markings on my table I am going to start planning for it.

I cannot be sure that what I heard was His voice but I guess I will do the obedience portion that was in that week's message. A collection of hand embroidered God's promises somehow lifted my spirit.

I told Superpig about what I heard and he said to go ahead.

I was looking through the photos that I had taken recently and it occured to me that I had not been taking much pictures of the nature, i.e. flowers. It then dawned on me that I had been so preoccupied with trying to get things done on the homefront and battling with the oncoming depression that I totally did not see anything beautiful.

I am not trying to get any attention from this post just trying to pen down my thoughts, for those who are going"tsk..tsk.. tsk.. there she goes again... whine whine whine".

Oh yes, that was what one particular mother sort of implied when I ranted and vented at a particular mothers' forum.

Anyway, with the many things going around here, I felt the weights on my shoulders and it got heavier by the day. And my moods went down real fast, so I knew that depression is setting in. However, I want to say that I managed to keep it away.

I am not depressed (yet... and have no intention to)!

I am well and am on the way to get myself perked up.

The last few weeks, I refused to look atmyself in the mirror or anything that will bear my reflection. It bothers me a lot. The person I saw in the mirror is tired, dark, sad... I was so shocked! (I do not even have a picture to show you how bad I looked.)

Now that I am better, I am working on keeping up my appearance. Make-up everyday...that will be powder and lipstick. Just a little dash of colour on the lips and I look better.

Then there is the weight issue... no, I have not successfully lost any weight since the last time I mentioned about it. I am still trying to struggle with time management. It is almost impossible to head out to exercise as the girls demand so much of my attention. But I do have that U-Robic at home which was bought for the sole purpose of helping me shape up AT HOME!

So I am determined to refresh my memories and refresh my soul ...

Depression is a very scary thing and it is a long and hard battle. One may be on the way of recovery but when you get careless, it comes back and grabs you hard! I fight my battles and I fight them well!

Now, I look forward to the projects that I had planned.

1. Bags for Children's Day (We celebrate Children's Day on 1 September, so I am making soem bags for Aver's classmates)

2. Hairbands for Ash's classmates (Ash is in an all-girls school so it is easy to decide what to make for them)

You may be asking why am I making these stuff for the children...well, i don't know too. Just that it is fun to get some crafts done and I like to give. The simple joy of sharing and seeing the little ones happy.)

3. Planning for Ash's and Aver's birthdays

For those who do not know... Ash and Aver is conceived on the same day five years apart. Ash was borned on 14 Decemeber and Aver was borned on 16 December... and I must note that I was borned on 7 Decemeber...

4. Get my butts working on the uRobic!

5. Contniue with my writings.

6. Simply be happy!

So I leave you with, what I personally think, a happy and nice picture of me.

And a prayer to God...

Dear Lord,

Thank you for watching over me when I was in the dark.

Thank you for holding on to me firmly and not letting me fall.

Although I had questioned the many things that happened and why was I always being put on the test, I knew You did not forget me.

I pray for Your forgiveness when my faith was weak and when I ran away from You.

Now, I pray that I will be able to face each day with the strength that You provide me.

With Your armour over me, I can and will be able to stand up to any battle and seek victory in Your Name.

Amen.

Reflection - Strange thing it is...

I got a forwarded mail from an ex-colleague and found it interesting enough to want to share it.
I don't like to forward mails and create chain mails but I find that this is a rather good piece of forwarded mail.
However, instead of forwarding it, I decide to share it here.

Isn't it strange?

1. Isn't it strange how a 100-peso bill seems like such a large amount when you donate it to church, but such a small amount when you go shopping?

2. Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long when you're at church, and how short they seem when you're watching a good movie?

3. Isn't it strange that you can't find a word to say when you're praying, but you have no trouble thinking what to talk about with a friend?

4. Isn't it strange how difficult and boring it is to read one chapter of the Bible, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel or ZANE GREY book?

5. Isn't it strange how everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games, but they do whatever is possible to sit at the last row in Church?

6. Isn't it strange how we need to know about an event for Church 2-3 weeks before the day so we can include it in our agenda, but we can adjust it for other events at the last minute?

7. Isn't it strange how difficult it is to learn a fact about God to share it with others, but how easy it is to learn, understand, extend and repeat gossip?

8. Isn't it strange how we believe everything that magazines and newspapers say, but we question the words in the Bible?

9. Isn't it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven, but they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?

10. Isn't it strange how we send jokes in e-mails and they are forwarded right away, but when we are going to send messages about God, we think about it twice before we share it with others?

I do not know who the original author of this mail so I cannot give credit to the person but I know that what had been said is so true.

Aver's skin condition

Aver was scheduled for a blood test at NUH today so that we can identify the cause of her allergies.

We travelled all the way there (from the North East to the West) and waited patiently for the appointment.

Once in the room with the doctor, we were quite disappointed with what he had to say.

Apparently, he did not know why we were there and we were suppose to be going to the paediatric department for the blood test. He did not seemed interested in what we had to say but insisted that Aver's condition is a typical atopic eczema. His comment of there is no cure for it except to accept the condition and also that by travelling round the island in the hope of finding a miracle doctor with a miracle cream is useless, did not do anything to reassure us at all.

Excuse me, doctor... we were here because we were told that by having a blood test done it may help eliminate the causes or at least we know that we do not have to avoid all kinds of food types.

Never mind his "all so mighty" attitude, I know that the Lord will heal Aver.



I claim in the name of Jesus Christ, by His Blood, Aver will be healed!



AMEN!



Well, before that happens (which will be soon), I "healed" her too.

Aver rash...

has improved tremendously.
She was on one week worth of antibiotics and we had been dilligently feeding her that and applying the neccessary cream.
We must thank the Lord for his healing mercy on Aver... let me explain why.

Two weeks ago, we were getting worried of her red pus producing rash and we were discussing when we should go back to the paed. However, there was this nagging voice in me that told me otherwise. I was not comfortable going back to the paed again as he is not a skin specialist. The nagging voice kept urging me to bring Aver to the specialist.

When we finally decided to go to the government clinic for a referral letter, the night before Aver scratched her face till it bled quite badly. When we had the referral, it was for an appointment at National Skin Centre in March. However, the nagging voice came in and told me to bring forward the date. So we asked the lady for an earlier date, she said that for National Skin Centre, March was the earliest unless we don't mind going to Changi Hospital. Since Changi Hospital has the skin specialist clinic, we decided to go for it. The lady made a call and we had an appointment made for the next day. So I can only say that God was leading us through this whole proccess.

Then the doctor at the clinic was very nice and patient. She was very detailed in assessing Aver's condition. We have to thank God for sending us to such a good doctor too.

And for the medication, we have to thank God for allowing Aver to take her medication well with no fuss and hassle at all.

Lastly, we prayed daily for God's healing mercy to be on Aver and you can see for yourself that her rashes cleared up very well in just one week.

On 29 January 2008...

And at 7 February 2008...

Praise the Lord!

God's Medication - 02 August 2007

If you forgive men when they sin against you,

your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men their sins,

your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6: 14-15

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If you can remember, I posted about a lady who collected expressed breast milk and then sold it to those who needed it. Well, there is no way this act can be confirmed. Did she really do it? Of course, there were other things that she had done which really cause many ladies to be very angry and upset. Everyone was ready to voice out their grievances and ready to pounce at her if she does appear.

Everyone who came in contact with this lady was really angry and hence it sparked a fiery discussion in the forum. Then it turned to finger pointing and trying to dig up each other's past dealings.

Then it went on to how we should forgive and move on. However, forgiveness was not seen. Daily new information would be posted on the forum about her. Daily there would be more and more people coming forward to air their grievances. Daily there would be new drama.

For me, I read the discussions but decided that I would not join in anymore. I wrote to comment about the selling of the EBM and was truly upset by it. Then I left it as that. I refused to go and think too much into the matter. So what if she really had sold it? Do I ask her for the money? Since I had decided to give it away then I will have to leave it at that.

Ladies in the forum mentioned that this lady's act was despicable. They pitied her daughter who has such a mother. They said that they will pray for her. They say that they are willing to let go if she came forth to explain her actions. She did but it was in another forum. Her explanation was not what they wanted. They were even more angry.

They said that they want to forgive...

What is forgiveness? By going back and forth about her, is definitely not forgiveness. Digging more into her past, is definitely not forgiveness. Asking for more people to come forth with evidences of her act, is not forgiveness.

Forgiveness is like how God forgive us for our sins.

Our sins are wiped out!

So the first step will be to pray for our own sins, our anger to be be forgiven.

Next step, to pray that He will help us to forgive the person who had sinned against us.

Last step, forget what had happened and moved on.

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If you forgive men when they sin against you,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their sins,
your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6: 14-15

God's Medication - 30 July 2007

Do not be anxious about anything,

but in everything, by prayer and petition,

with thanksgiving,

present your requests to God.

And the peace of God,

which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

____________________________________________________

Was in church the day before and was reading through 'The Link' similar to a newsletter thingy we get every Sunday during service. There was an excerpt from Pastor Rony Tan's sermon and it really made me realised that I had been very very short-sighted.

It mentioned that do we have troubles? Do we have many troubles in our lives? The answer is positive. I have many troubles so much so that I am constantly stressing myself out.

However, it read ... of course you have troubles. Troubles are part of our life. It is not the troubles that are the problem. The problem is how we face our troubles. The attitude that we have when we are faced with these troubles.

Hey... that is true. Everywhere and every time, there will be trouble waiting for us. Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed that I want to give up. I even questioned Him. I asked,"Why, Father? Why can't you let me have some peace? Why do I have so many problems that I need to solve all at the same time?"

Well, now I know the answer. I was too busy counting all the troubles and trying to solve them one at a time. However, I forgot to quieten myself and submit my life to Him and to ask Him to help me.

So, troubles are part of life, our attitude towards them will determine whether we can overcome them or be drowned by them.

____________________________________________________________________

Do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything, by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

God's Medication - 24 July 2004

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Luke 6:31

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This is really so true. We personally do not like it when other cheat us so why should we cheat others. Recently, there is this big squabble on two of the forums that I visit. It is about this particular lady who will buy things from other mothers and resell it again at a higher price or will get free items from other mothers than she sell it away. Then the most incredible thing was that she sold the expressed breast milk from donated by other mothers to a particular family in need. That was what made me jumping with anger. I happened to donate some of my precious milk to her.

After so many days of accusations flying in both forums, this lady sent an email stating that she did not do all those things and her name was made used by some other people. That is also a little impossible because everyone who was cheated by her all point to the same name, same emails, same hand phone number and the same person (because they ever met her before).

So from this particular incident, I have learnt that sometimes we may do things to others and feel nothing about it but if the table is turned, I don't think we will like it one bit. Not that I ever cheated anyone.

So whatever we say or do, there is a need to think before we leap.

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Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31

God's Medication - 19 July 2007, Thursday

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:5-6

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Woke up this morning feeling rather down casted. Could be because I know that I would be alone to handle the children as husband has to go off earlier for a meeting. I don't blame him just feel that I am not so independent after all.

With this foul mood, I turned to His Words and the verse jumped out at me. Yes, why am I in a foul mood? What is it that made me feel so moody? Since I cannot understand why I was feeling so moody, why continue to wallow in it?

Really, it is time to lift my head up, put my hope in God and sing a praise out loud to him.

Instead of trying to find out why I am moody, I should look around me and find things to praise Him for.

Both my daughters are healthy. My husband has a job. I have a job. We have a wonderful home to stay in (but needs to throw out the clutter...) and many many wonderful things to thank Him for.

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Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:5-6

God's medication for 18 July 2007

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you;

he will never let the righteous fall.

Psalm 55:22

Have been participating in a forum for mothers (http://www.moms4moms.info/sg/) and got to know some nice mothers. Through them, I learnt scrap booking, sewing and many more.

It is also there that I realised I am not alone facing the darkness of depression. I learnt to be stronger through their encouragements.

It is through the forum I got to know this lady who is facing difficulties in her daily live. She encouraged me when I was fighting my depressive mood. Now, it is my turn to help her. I had "talked" to her over the MSN messenger and realised that she is struggling.

Hence, I decided to start another topic "God's Medication". This will allow me to share with others what God had done for me. It is time for me to sow the seeds.

Many times, we tend to take things into our own hands. We want to achieve everything at the fastest time. We want to be the best in the neighbourhood. We want to be the ones praised by our bosses. However, these are the wants that will push us into the state of depression.

It boils down to not what we want but what God has planned for us. Hence, every time when we are struggling, take a deep breathe , close you eyes and pray. Tell Him your concerns, your needs, your fears and ask Him for guidance.

He may not answer directly but the answers will come. Be patient and be still then you will be able to hear His answers.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall.
Psalm 55:22