i have to learn never to trust people

Again and again I can never learn this hard lesson. I always tell myself that I have to give everyone the benefit of te doubt. Be nice to the people and they will in turn be nice to you.

Whatever it is, I always tell myself I cannot be mean to the people around me or the people I work with. However, whenever I do that somehow I am always the one that get hurt.

Like the most recent incident... thought I have been a good colleague and "friend" to the IT trainer in the school. He is not an experienced trainer and he always have problems with his lessons. I alwyas helped him by giving him advices and all. I even helped him come up with the notes for his lesson.


In the end, when questioned by the HOD, he lied about his work ethic and also dare to try to frame me. Thank goodness, I have had a good working relations with the HOD and we are friends in private. So she knows what kind of person I am and what kind of worker I am.

After knowing that I have to be in charge of them... two trainers and the technical assistant, he was not happy. Cos' he had always thought that he was the person in-charge of that portion of the department. So he was not the least happy and started to spread rumors about me in the staffroom.

Sad to say, not everyone know me well enough. So much so that i do feel a bit of the coldness in the staffroom nowadays. The receptionist who had been around of donkeys years had had always been very nice and friendly towards me... now she turn a cold shoulder on me.. why? cos of the rumours that that man had spreaded


I am upset, of course... and angry but at least he is gone and I will not have to work with him anymore. As for those people that decided to believe that gossip monger... well, I cannot waste my time to be bothered about them. I did not do anything wrong and had been performing my duties and job well.


If they want to talk behind my back... go ahead. If they want to be cold and distance... so be it. I am happy being me and will not change to suit them or so that they can like me.

So many things have happened since the last update

Yup... my preganancy is going on well so far. I am into the three and a half months into the pregnancy. Everything seems to be fine except that in the mornings I get morning sickness. At the same time, I have very weird kinds of food cravings...I carve for cuttlefish, satays, burger king's mushroom swiss and many many more.

As for work, I am still up to my neck with it. But still for the fact that I am having a second child I must work hard to earn the money.

Then for my piano lessons, going well too. Ashlyn's one also doing quite well. We had withdrawn her from the music school and found a very very good private piano teacher. So for the fact that we have put in so much effort for her and myself, we decided to buy a piano.

So the piano is here today and I had my first practise session on it already. Not too bad but it can be tiring for my ever so delicate fingers.

10 weeks pregnant

Will be going to the gynae tomorrow for the second check-up. Hopefully everything is fine. Has been praying every night to ensure the baby is growing well.

As for me, I am still going through the morning sickness and sleppless nights. Yes, I have been waking up at 3 in the morning and then not able to get back to sleep. I do not know why and have no idea how to solve the problem. Had even tried to skip my naps in the afternoons but that did not help either. I only feel very tired at night and grouchy cos' I'll be nursing my terrible headaches.


As for work, as much as I can I stay home and do them. Cannot really take the journey to school. Will end up like a zombie the moment I reach school as I have terrible motion sickness!!!

However, I believe all these will pass with my continuous prayers.

PSP!!! Mine!!!

I've got the white sony PSP! Just bought it yesterday and will be sharing it with my daughter and grudging my beloved PIG!


But still I am glad to have it... cos' now i can play my bubble puzzle in the living room and watch tv on those days my beloved PIG goes online gaming in the room.


Of cos' other features in the PSP are equally attractive and will slowly explore it when I get some FREE TIME!!!

For now, I will just have to be contented with playing my Bubble Puzzle!


And Ashlyn saw it this evening, as it was lying on my pillow, and she took the liberty to "play" with it! However, I told her unless she behaves herself and also perform well in her "homework" then I will let her play during the weekend. I have let her learn the art of responsibility. Now I remember... I better get a award chart out and start charting her "rewards" for all the good behaviour and her excellent"homework". With a certain accumulation of "rewards" in the week then she can get to play the PSP.


Got it ... better start it soon.

Busy Bee

I am now deep in my work... its piling up to my waist and I am still at a lost how to get it all done in the limted time I have in school...


Due to the fact that MOE does not pay adjunct teachers during school holidays, I ahve to clock in those hours that I put in during the holidays during term time. So for June holidays, I will be working approximately for 120 hours or more. Then there are the Saturdays... So the amount of time I stay in school to work is about 5 hours each day and that is not enough to finish all my jobs!

Ashlyn's website got cancelled

I am very upset... the amount of time i had put in for the last few years for her website had been down the drain. I just visted the website today and relised that the data is too big and requries me to purchase the bigger plan to allow the data transfer.

I hope later I can go back again and try to print out all those that were left over and restart again!

My baking experience...

So far I have been rather adventurous... have been trying out new recipes. Just Monday, Kenny mentioned something about cream puffs and I went to the net to find the recipe. Looked at the instructions and relised that it was rather simple.


So I made chocolate eggnog puffs on Monday night. Then the night before I made another batch but just plain eggnog puffs. I am rather surprised by the outcome.

Normally I will not eat what I had cooked. I do not know why... after getting the food done and edible I will simply stare at it and watch Kenny and Ashlyn eat. Seeing them eat is enough and most of the time I do not know how my food tasted like. However, this time round, I ate my own eggnog puffs and was totally impressed by it.


I know one thing for sure, I am enjoying every bit of the cooking part now and also my time to do my crafts......

Oh... and i just a recipe book for the different kinds of bread.. will be trying the yam bread soon...

Piano Lessons confirmed

I did mention about signing up for piano lessons and this time I did it. After finding out the lesson schedule and the fees, along with discussing with Kenny, I went to sign up for lessons.

Reasons for taking it up at this age?
1. Have always wanted to take piano lessons since young but due to financial reasons was not able to.
2. To be more confident in teaching Ashlyn her piano too. (Want to be a good example to her... she was also very happy that I signed up for lessons!)
3. Bored with my life... bored in the sense that there isn't any challenges for me. Since I quit full time teaching, there seems to be nothing to work for. In my current position, no matter how hard I work and how good I am, I still earn the same amount with no promotions, increment, performance bonus and so on. So I need to look within myself and see what I want to achieve and go and do it.
4. Maybe if I am good at it, I can start making music???(ha ha ha... like real. If Pig reads this, he will be shaking his head vigorously!)


I am trying very hard to focus my attention to other things so that I will not get agitated by all the little things around me. Like I said my mood have been very bad. I am easily angered and when I do, I go crazy. I desperately needs to get out of the situation. Othere than focusing on God and His healing powers and promises, I cannot sit around and wait for Him. Cos' I always believe that He has a plan and by sitting around the His plan does not have a chance to work out at all.

What's up?

Nothing much.. having working on my lesson plans for next term's digital art.

Also trying my hands at cooking...
Tried...
1. swiss rolls (not a pretty sight and too sweet)
2. hor fan (Kenny and Ashlyn commented that it was good)
3. kimchi (in the process of preservation.. so not sure how it will turn out)




And I also nade a few tissue holders...

Will be going to sign up of piano lessons for myself soon

My personal goal today

Guess my mood have not been very uplifting lately. Seems that everything is frustrating me.

So I choose to live a day at a time and aim to make my day a better day than the one before.

Today's goals
1. To take an hour to two hours rest in the afternoon
2. Cook a very simple dinner
3. Be positive when talking to Ashlyn
4. Do not get agitated with Ashlyn (for whatever reason)
5. Smile!

Haven't been working...

That's because Ashlyn wan down with the Viral Fever that was spreading like wild fire in her school. She had fever on Sunday night (26th Feb) and it rose to 40 degrees by 5 in the morning. Not forgetting that Kenny was not around as he had reservist.

I handled her all by myself through the night, brought her to the doctor's but there her fever miraculously disappeared. Took the day off to take care of her. In the afternoon her fever came back and Kenny also came back! He was given a day off due to his empress dowager's fever.

Thought everything was well by Monday night but... her fever came back at 9pm and again it soared to the 40s in the early hours of 5am. I thought I should bring her down to the doctor's again but like the day before, by 8am, her fever had miraculously disappeared.


Again thought that she should be able to return to school on Wednesday but then she started to have runny nose. She had a hard time sleeping and of course, me too.

By Thursday morning, her runny nose got worse and thank goodness Kenny had finished his stint with the National Army. So thought we should pop in to the doc's to buy some medicine but then he decided to let him have a look at him.

Once in the clinc, the receptionist response was,"The two of you ...again?" Don't think she was trying to be rude but that is quite true. For the past few weeks, we rotated in visiting the clinic. So think the doc must be sick and tired of seeing us already.

Then we kept her off school for the ret of the week cos' not sure how the situation with the viral fever is at school.

As for today, Monday... I am not at work... needed a good rest after last week.

Shhhhhhhhhh... don't let anyone in the school know...

So Far So Good

Well, Kenny has been off to Reservist... to protect the country (that's what we tell Ashlyn). So I have been handling work, housework and Ashlyn all by myself. So far so good. Can be a little tiring but Ashlyn had been cooperative.

She has been a rather good girl and did not whine as much as before and that will makes things a lot easier. On top of that she is not a choosy eater so dinner has been quite a breeze. A simple dinner can comprise of rice, steamed fish and a veggie. So all the frozen food taken out the night before to thaw in the lower half of the fridge makes life a little easier.


The only thing I can complain about is the cab fare. Today's cab fare comes up to$20.30! Call cab = $4 (cos its peak hours) ERP charges = $3 Peak hours charge = $1. So in the end all the extras comes up to more than half of the actual cab fare...

Why need to take cab? Cos need to send Ashlyn to school mah... quite impossible to get her out of bed real early, like 6.30 am and then rush for the train at 7.00 am so that she can reach school by 8.00am for breakfast, right???

A few more days to go and then we are back to normal again...

Days in a blur

Last Thursday, Ashlyn came down with a terrible fever. We were supposed to go watch a concert but decided that we cannot put her at risk. Instead, brought her to the doctor and then went on home to sleep.

In the middle of the night, she woke up crying that her throat hurt. Her fever did not subside despite the medicine. I had to sponge her down in the hope of keeping her fever down. Then we had to stay home on Friday to ensure that she got enough rest.

Then for the rest of Friday, we stayed home. Ashlyn's fever went up and then down and up and up and down and up and up and up... u've got the idea. By evening, she developed fever rash and she refused to swallow her saliva. Went to the doc again and was given antibiotic.

Over the weekend, she slowly recoverd. But now... I am sick! AGAIN!!!

My throat hurts and my ears hurt and now my head is spinning.

It doesn't help that Kenny is on reservist today onwards for the next ten days! So I will be taking care of everything by myself! Wish me luck.

Valentine's Day

To all who are reading this...


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!


Okay... the day started with anticipation for my durians to be delivered to school. Yes... durians! Mr Kenny Tan told me so... hence I know I have to wait in school for the durians to arrive.


Ha! Think I so stupid... at around 9 something in the morning, my "durians" arrived at the school office. I was at the computer lab having digital art training. People came up to the lab to inform me about it...


Finally, after my art lesson went down to the staff room and collected my "durians". Really nice ones too.

Still on MC

I have been on MC for a total of two weeks. From body ache to flu, then to bronchitis scare (phlegm in the airways...moving down to the lungs) and after that cold sores on my nose which flared up during the Chinese New Year period.

I went a round visiting with a rotting nose... imagine how wonder I look!

Not the least happy about it and the CNY visiting also wore out my already beaten body.

Hopefully by Sunday the sores will clear up and I can resume my work. (Not that I am looking forward to it... too many things piling up... Thought I am a part-timer??? Should not be stress, right??)

Anyway, for those reading this... GONG XI FA CAI!

What is love?

Does love just die off by itself after a couple is together for a long period of time? I really wonder... I do...

Come to think of how Kenny had been cold and distant from me for the past dew weeks ... I do feel very very down.

I know he is busy at work but he will still talk to me and all before. But recently he had went all quiet and refused to share anything in his head. The best thing is that I can see his gears in his head moving and tried to get him to talk but he will always insist that there is nothing.

He gets moody more often and then he refuses to talk.

Sick!

Have been sick since Monday... yesterday finally went to the Doc cos was running a very high fever. So I am given MC till Friday. In other words I do not have income for this whole week.

Don't know what is really wrong with me. On Monday, I was aching all over and thought it was because I tired myself out the night before when we went to Chinatown. The body ache did not get any better on Tuesday so remained at home to continue my rest. By the late afternoon, I started to sneeze (thot it was all the dust fromt he magazines that I was clearing out). Turned out that I started to have a flu. By Tuesday night, I started to develop a very very mild fever.


Wednesday, thought real hard whether to go to work but my body ache was getting from bad to worse and my flu was coming on full force. Stayed home again and thank goodness I did because by 2pm I started to feel very very cold. My feet and hands were cold. Wanted to see the Doc but was too weak to go by myself. Didn't dare tell Kenny as he was busy in the office due to the take over. I gritted my teeth and shivered till they returned home.


Went to the Doc, nice guy too, was told to be careful cos' recently many people were down will stomach flu. Gave me all the necessary medicine and a good MC covering me from Monday to Friday (this week).


Think those people in school must be hopping mad ... but really I am totally exhausted just within 3 weeks of school.

Too busy for words!

Yup! That's what I had been up to... too busy. I do not even know what I was busy with... I am still busy though. Thought that by quitting my job I will have more time on my hand to explore my life and get in touch with my daughter???


Guess I was wrong.


Still, I think everything can be worked out. I need to be better at planning my time and at the same time learn how to say NO to the people in school when they ask me to go fro relief classes. I already up to my neck with my IT lessons and the E-learning stuff where got time to do relief?


Since the school term started, I had been so busy and tired that I haven't even been able to do any housework. Now the Chinese New Year is pressing in and I am also pressed for time to complete all the spring cleaning.


Not only that, I had not been able to plan out Ashlyn's learning progress. Three weeks all wasted... I really do not like it when time is wasted like that.